The Drunk Bible

Forty two children are mauled by bears for calling a man bald. That is in the Bible, and it is over in two verses.So is the talking donkey that wins an argument with its own owner. So is the man with seven hundred wives who is called the wisest who ever lived. So is God ordering a census and then killing seventy thousand people because it happened.This is all of it. Every one of the sixty six books, every chapter, every verse, in plain English, with the same events and the same names and the same numbers the King James used. The genealogies are here. The census figures are here. The nine chapters of temple measurements are here. Nothing skipped, nothing summarised, nothing softened.What is new is that somebody is finally reading it out loud without pretending to be impressed.And reading the whole thing in one go turns things up.
- Saul, the first king of Israel, is buried in four words in the middle of a list of names
- God announces he will harden Pharaoh's heart before Pharaoh has refused anything, so that there will be a reason for the plagues
- The man who planned the rape of Tamar turns up two pages later advising the king, and nobody ever says a word to him
- James flatly contradicts Romans, using the same proof text, forty pages apart
- The tree of life is guarded by a flaming sword in Genesis 3 and growing loose in the middle of the street by Revelation 22

Nobody reading a chapter a week catches any of that.At the back: sixty six drinks. One for every book, each taken from a verse in that book.Genesis gets The Bow In The Cloud. Ruth gets The Barley Harvest. Joel gets Awake, Ye Drunkards, which is what Joel 1:5 actually says. Real recipes, batched for a room full of people, with the chapter and verse printed under every one. And thou shalt bestow that money for whatsoever thy soul lusteth after, for oxen, or for sheep, for wine, or for strong drink. Deuteronomy 14:26. It seemed rude to ignore a direct instruction.If you have meant to read the whole Bible for years and stalled somewhere in Leviticus, this is the entire thing, and you will finish it.Not a translation. Not a study Bible. Not remotely reverent. Contains the parts nobody reads at weddings.